It’s been a whirl wind of a week, juggling a fairly intensive transition schedule, holiday stuff, Charlie and Alyssa’s basketball schedule, etc. People keep asking me how I am, and I cheerfully respond that I am fine. I haven’t had a whole lot of time to “feel” lately, which is perfectly fine with me! I sat down today and started to figure out our calendar, which included the day the boys move to their forever family for good. I spoke with the social worker about the details of that day, and suddenly it was “real.” I started picturing how that would be to get back into my empty car after dropping them off. Wondering how to balance the genuine feeling of excitement for them (their forever family is GREAT) and my own grief. How to communicate both of those feelings to this little boys who don’t really understand any of this. I want them to know that we are happy for them, that we believe this is best for them, that they are safe and loved and wanted. I also want them to know that they aren’t dispensable. That our family will never quite be the same again.
So – I’m driving down the road, thinking about all of these things, and I started thinking about this dysfunctional little sisterhood these boys have created in their wake. I have this whole new set of friends, starting with the shelter Mom who was their first stop. The respite Moms who fell in love so quickly with them – who worry about their future. Foster care is lighting a torch for light when it seems there is nothing but darkness. We pass this torch to each other, lighting the way for hope and safety and permanency, whatever that means. In 9 days, I will pass that torch on to their forever mama and daddy.
Shine on, little men, the world needs your light!