Big feelings.

So – our family is the size of the Brady Bunch. THE BRADY BUNCH!  I don’t know why that incredibly random thought came to me today, but it did.   You’re welcome for sharing.

UNLIKE the Brady Bunch, we have a lot of big feelings here.  The kids do, but also me.  I have had a few friends inquire lately about fostering, and I participate in adoption panels when I can.  What usually comes to mind is that all the feelings feel so much bigger.  All.  The.  Feelings.  When I used to think of fostering, I thought of it as pulling kids out of their “story” and into ours.  The reality is that we very much get pulled into theirs.  It’s pretty painful sometimes.  As our forever kids get bigger, we are navigating some new territory with birth family “stuff.”   It’s kind of hard.  But also, moments of peace take on a new meaning.  I feel a new level of gratitude for small things.   They thank us for things most parents don’t get thanked for.  And then hit us, because feeling happy and grateful is scary.  Must. Create. Chaos.

Lately we are getting a lot of the “I couldn’t foster – it would be too hard when they go.”  We have experienced the full range of fostering from “I. Can’t. Do. This. One. More. Day.” to “I might not ever really be ok again after they go.”  All of that is okay, in the end.  These kids deserve our grief.  They need someone’s heart to be broken over them.  I’m ready to take that on.  Sort of.  But I might cry in my car every day.  It’s fine.  Stop staring.