We had the sibling separation hearing today. It was appallingly anti-climatic. I honestly felt like standing up and screaming. How can these people act like this is not a big deal?! How insanely disrespectful to every last one of us…but especially the siblings. Who are “we” to say they are no longer legally siblings? I know it doesn’t change their blood or their relationship, but to hear them declared no longer siblings made me feel like throwing up all over the court room. The judge really messed this up from the beginning, and he was clearly trying to talk himself into thinking it was the right decision. He went on and on about how this was in T’s best interest, and then asked everyone in the court room to say they didn’t have objections. “I have no objections,” said T’s attorney. “I have no objections,” said the defeated social worker. “I have no objections,” said the guardian to the floor. “I have no objections,” said T’s foster Mom, who periodically gave us dirty looks. The judge looked at us – well? In a small act of defiance, I shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes. I refused to utter those words. The judge let it go…I’m pretty sure he didn’t want me to open my mouth, anyway. I knew we couldn’t stop it from happening, but I refuse to participate in pretending this is the right decision. And so then it was over.
All of that emotion aside, we were able to walk straight out of court into human services and get our APA signed for J and A. If things go well (ha ha), we should be finalizing with them in June or July (3-4 months). I. Can’t. Wait. I know lots of people get cold feet at this point in the game, but we literally couldn’t sign the papers fast enough. They couldn’t be anymore “ours,” and we are beyond anxious to make that legal. I am reminded how ours they are by the ease in which they say “Mom and Dad” now. By the way my eyes tear up just thinking about finalizing in court. By the way my heart completely melts when J looks up after every single karate move to give me the world’s biggest toothless grin. By A unconsciously slipping her hand into mine when she’s nervous.
A few nights ago I told J at bedtime that I am so proud to be his Mom. After I was upstairs, I heard him yelling for me. Yeah, buddy? “Umm…thanks for saying that thing about being my Mom.” Tonight, during in-home therapy, they did a project about what makes them special. The first thing both of them said was that their Mom and Dad love them. “Fake it til we make it” was our motto going in…but I’m telling you, there is no faking going on these days! Onward.