Wowsers, what a year! 2013 started out with frustrating inquiries on literally hundred of kids, hearing lots of “you are not a match,” fleeting second thoughts about adopting, and doubts we would ever find *our* kids. Our hearts were broken in May when we found out we were not selected for a sibling set (10 and 12 year old boys from Texas) – it was the farthest we had gotten, it had taken months, and the thought of starting from scratch was overwhelming. Within hours of hearing that news, our social worker informed us a local adoption worker had read our file and felt she had a match. It was three kids (instead of the two we had planned on), they were Caucasian (obviously we have nothing against Caucasian, we just didn’t picture that), and the oldest was 14 (older than we had planned). On top of these variations from our epic plan, I couldn’t stand the thought of another “loss.” There was not one ounce of excitement or hope, and we sort of just went through the motions. Mostly, our social worker went through the motions for us because she thought it was a good match, too. After saying “no” multiple times, we agreed to do a weekend of respite to help them find the kids’ right family. Charlie and I exchanged many glances over the course of that first day, trying to read each other. We snuck into another room, and Charlie whispered – “this is crazy, but they are our kids.” Relief! We are on the same page! We just KNEW. The rest is history..
2013 was full of more emotions than I thought I had, ups and downs, and twists and turns. We might be helping our kids heal, but they are also healing us. They have given us many gifts, such as celebrating the small things, picking the important battles, taking nothing for granted, focusing on health and happiness above all else, being intentional about keeping our marriage healthy, narrowing in on the people in our lives that truly support us, and gratitude. I am always astounded at the gratitude they have, despite all of the awful things that have happened to them. If they can be grateful, so can I. This is my New Year’s resolution – to be intentional about feeling and expressing gratitude.
We look forward to finalizing the adoption in 2014 most of all. I seriously tear up every time I think of it! I am so excited to hear the judge officially declare us the forever family we already identify as. I’m excited for the kids to change their middle and last names. I’m excited to reduce the amount of traffic in and out of our house and begin our “normal life.” We still do not know if T will be included in this adoption or not…we hope to know more at our next hearing on Feb 5th. We are trying not to worry or over-analyze the pros and cons of that, but to find peace in whatever decision is made and trust that whatever happens is exactly what is supposed to happen.
On to the upcoming adventures of 2014! Happy New Year to all of you, near and far! Thank you for joining us on this journey – I am blessed to have an outlet such as this.